Self Reflection

Over the last couple of weeks I have been doing a lot of thinking. Thinking about where my life has been, where it is now, and thinking about where I see myself going in the future. I guess you could say things over the years have been turbulent, much like anyone’s life. We all have a lot of ups, a fair share of downs and lots of time of just seemingly being content with where we are. I can’t trigger exactly what has spun me into this world of self-reflection, but whatever it may have been I am truly grateful for it.

It is no lie to anyone who truly knows me that my past has been rocky. I come from a family who practices the LDS religion and was raised in such a household. Growing up I didn’t always see eye-to-eye with my parents but always knew what was “Right”. Over a series of events that would take place a few years after graduation what I was taught all growing up seemed to have been broken. I was angry at first; I was hurt but knew that these things happened for a reason. Life continued to take me on the roller coaster path, much like it does. During the next few years I was able to experience and rebuild relationships that once had been broken, discover new talents, change career paths and explore new highs. But as expected there was another world of low’s to follow. Again trusts were broken, friendships halted, sides taken and rumors a float. Those are the things so easily focused on. Even though I spent a fair share of my time trying to explain myself and my decisions to myself, friends and family it didn’t seem to make a difference. I too was living in all the negative, when really I made a life change to make myself happy. It took a long time for me to look at the negative and make it a positive or look at the “opportunity” as new doors opened. A chance to find myself, redirect my focus and choose a path that would truly find me happiness. To some this may have seemed selfish, inconsiderate, and heartless, you name it. However the one thing I have come to realize is that there are always two sides to a story. It was time I focused on what I needed and me. To stop doing everything for everyone else and enjoy doing things to better myself. I still reflect on these situations. Not in anger, not in sorrow but in how it would continue to shape the woman I was to become, much like my parents did while I was growing up.

And for those past mentioned instances I am forever grateful. Grateful for the good times and the tears that came along with the hard times…Why? Because the path that I had chose, the road that I was taken on eventually shaped me to be where I am now. I now am married to an amazing man who I share my ups and downs with. Someone who accepts me for me, who sees my true beauty, someone who supports me unconditionally and strives everyday to help me become a better wife, mother and support to so many around me. I have a beautiful son who betters my life and gives me something to live for every single minute of every single day. A son that I can help teach what is “right” much like my parents did. And a son that shows me what the true meaning of happiness is. I have a career that I love! I am blessed to have an opportunity to be the Assistant Director of a Charter School that serves so many amazing students. Having the opportunity to work with teenagers and help them see there true potential is the most amazing feeling. They help me probably more than I help them. All of these things help to complete the person I am today. And for those I may have not seen for a while, I think you would be impressed!

I am to a point now in my life where I am finally feeling like I am 100% happy with the woman that I am. Does that mean that there is still room for improvement? ABSOLUTLEY!!! A lot of room. But I also realize that I am a person who knows herself. That others opinions of who I am don’t really matter, because everyday I can wake up, look in the mirror, and be perfectly happy with the person I am looking at inside and out. I know that I have a long road still ahead of me and there are plenty of trials waiting for me. But knowing what I bring to the table, what I have to offer the world and the person that I am is more than enough to help me through those trials. And if that ever gets lost or forgotten I know I have an amazing group of people that surround me that will help me get back on my feet.

I guess the one thing that I have truly come to realize is who are we to judge one person, when the only person we should be judging is ourselves? I know easier said then done. But over the last few months this saying has rung true in so many instances I have dealt with on both a personal and professional level. Judging people doesn’t define who they are, it defines who you are. So what do you choose to do? Just remember that it takes less effort to be happy than it does to be miserable.